Interesting Days

These last days have been...interesting. People say about what we're going through, "I can't even imagine!" To which I respond, "Neither can I!" It's this weird experience of trying to figure out what's next in every single area of life without any of the normal ease. Of jumping from being married almost 25 years, living in one home for 20 years, to having almost no possessions and rebuying and reregistering for what you already had...because it all burned down. All while thinking through having 4 kids and all their needs, homeschooling, redoing every document, filing loads of paperwork, sorting loads of donations, house hunting, and getting no sleep. Lists are always running through our brains. Constant reminders in every store and home of what we had and no longer do. "I had this ____________!" we exclaim, a phrase that's begun to feel old and worn. We feel perpetually nauseous. I randomly stare into space....my voice wobbles as the sorrow and weariness hits. Friends are so thoughtful, so generous, so patient. A friend I haven't seen in years is up late at night, looking through Craigslist to find furniture that will be beautiful for us, so a new home is...beautiful. Other friends are retrieving photos, getting giveaways on our behalf (so we don't have to go there, and there, and there...), buying our registry, praying tirelessly, checking in with encouraging verses, sending hand me down electronics (such a blessing) to replace ours, taking our kids to do fun things, open for random texts about random needs, setting up meals, helping move furniture...and the list goes on. I am amazed by family and friends, near and far. We're living split between friends who have so generously opened their home and lives to our chaos. We make lists. Lots of them. These friends know what I need to think of that I forgot to think about. And they are patient, so patient. Yesterday I read "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it also has gone from me" (Psalm 38:9-10). This is how I really felt this week. I took Lily and Trey to our San Sonita Place property for the first time this week. Trey kept saying, "Where are we? It's unrecognizable! It's unrecognizable!" over and over and over. These are the roads near his home for the 11 years of his life. It's now open for all to come and see the wreckage and ruins. My father struggles because this is what his house looked like when he was a boy and came home, after the bombings in Germany. "O Lord, ALL my longings..." I turn to Isaiah, reminded that the same One who is the everlasting God, who knows all things and holds them all together, holds me. Like a shepherd "he will gather the lambs in his arms...he will gently lead those that are with young....He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength....they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." I weep at this, amazed by the hope He provides.