Santa Rosa Book for Sale

I just finished a series of 25 local Santa Rosa pen & inks a couple of weeks ago, and the entire series was at the printers getting printed when Santa Rosa Firestorm occurred. All of the original pen & inks were destroyed in my house, but the digital images live on and the books are in print. My thought with the book was that it could be a collection of pen & inks to enjoy, or it could even be colored in. That's why the front cover is designed that way--for the person who buys the books to color in the words "Santa Rosa, CA, Est. 1868." I am selling the books for $32 if you pick it up from me, giving a portion to Redwood Credit Union for the fire victims account. The cost is $5 more for shipping, so $37 if you would like the book mailed to you. It is printed on heavy cardstock and spiral bound. Since I am a victim of the fire and things are so crazy, please be patient with my getting them to you. The money I make will pay for the printing as well as help me rebuild my art supplies and studio, all of which were lost in the fire. Payment is to my PayPal account at rb1993@sbcglobal.net. Write a message to me there when you pay, and how you would like to receive the book/books (pick up or mail, and your address if you would like it mailed). My greatest hope is that these images would be enjoyed. Over 170 hours of my time went into them. The image list and what they look like are at my art blog (artbykasteen.blogspot.com). The second page is the Round Barn, which burned down. Special thanks to Roger, who started the whole thing. It was his idea, and he was engraving these images into tiles (he also lost his home). Feel free to pass this along to others.

Still processing...

Woke up crying again, way before the sun came up. Some days are easier and some really, really tough. Today was a tough one. Everyone says the same. You remember something. Something that burned. "Oh no! The straw star Christmas ornaments my mother made when I was a Freshman in college a few months before she died...the wooden recorder my grandfather gave me in Germany when I was 8, before he had a stroke and no longer recognized me." The list comes to me throughout the day and night. My mother's doll that had a real wig of my grandmother's hair, the same color as mine. The baby outfits and toys handed down from generations, the paintings I spent thousands of hours on, my father's paintings that I just got and hoped to restore and hang, the paintings I painted for him, and the list goes on and on. No more baby photos of my husband, wedding rings from Grandma meant for our girls, countless treasures and memories. I cried as I remembered with my sister that the toys (some handmade) from her for my children and our grandchildren were now lost. And don't get me started on my garden (that was yesterday's lamentation: my lilac, forsythia, roses, lavender, peaches, boysenberries, succulents, countless heirloom perennials, and FINALLY a single lily-of-the-valley...my favorite flower that it took me years to get to grow here). The photo of my mother coming out of the garden one morning in the rain with her hair unbound, mismatched socks, and muddy hands.

But continual and constant in my mostly foggy brain are snippets of Scripture, living, active, and eternal. Words like these from Philippians 3:7-14: "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because CHRIST JESUS HAS MADE ME HIS OWN. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (emphasis mine). Do I really believe this? I do. I know I'm lousy at talking about it. But it's everything to me.

Now I know I am not in North Korea or countless countries where it's illegal to be a Christian, and Christians suffer the loss of all things, are tortured, or disappear entirely BECAUSE they are Christians. But (as with all new experiences in life) these verses mean so much more to me today than they did when I read them a month ago! Just as the thought that Jesus did not ever have an earthly home does. No home. Hm, ok, today I have a smidgen more of an understanding as to what He gave up in Heaven to walk in his ill-fitting dusty sandals and sleep somewhere, not sure where, and not really have the comforts of home and his own stuff. And so as I wipe my tears, I remember that He KNOWS. And I recall the amazement in reading Matthew 17 a few months ago, about when he was up on a high mountain with three buddies. He was transfigured and his face "shone like the sun, and his clothes became white as light." Wow. Can you picture it? And then Moses and Elijah appear, talking with him. Seriously?! Wonder what they talked about....Peter (one of Jesus' friends) doesn't know what say and says something about building tents. But then when a bright cloud overshadows them, and the voice out of the cloud says, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him," they hit the ground. On their faces. Terrified. Jesus had been hanging out with them, eating with them, sleeping on the ground with them, all the normal stuff of life. Yeah, he healed people and did miracles. But here, there's a blinding glimpse of His glory. His being GOD. And what does He do? Read on. "Jesus came and touched them, saying, 'Rise, and have no fear.' And when they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only." This is the God of all creation, humbling himself to serve, taking on the constraints of a human body, being uncomfortable, revealing Himself to us. He touches and comforts. And He KNOWS.

I want to rise and not have fear. Not fear, only trust. I heard a godly older woman say "fear is from wondering how God will take care of a situation...and that I won't like how He works it out." I want to lift my eyes and see "no one but Jesus only." I want to KNOW Him. Seek Him. Reflect him. So my prayer today is that I not walk in my own understanding, not fearful, not in darkness, but reflect His glory with unveiled face. Shining. Even with tears streaming down my cheeks. May I not carry the stench of tragedy in my life, but rather the fragrance of Christ. He has made this possible. He has made me His own, and at such a cost.

Today

Today wondering about...just what to do next. To be honest, we don't sleep much, we are not sure about much. Thanks so much to so many for prayers, thoughtfulnesses, more prayers, more thoughtfulnesses. Verses of the day, once more, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6. I'm hunkered down in that one today. ALL my heart, not my own understanding. ALL my ways, He shall direct.

I just heard the song "The Omnis" by Shai Linne:
Who is like Him? There is none
Triune, Holy three-in-one
When all is said and done
God is amazing, amazing
His power cannot be compared
Exhaustive knowledge none can share
At all times everywhere
God is amazing, amazing yeah

Unlimited, infinite, universal
Self-evident, this Prince is the newest purple
Reigns suspended in glistening beauty circles
Uninhibited, through His Spirit a new reversal
No rehearsal – yeah, it’s a paradox
But God’s omnipotence isn’t hidden behind a mega-rock
That He couldn’t lift; these critics better stop
New internal physics exhibits He made the petawatt
The sun’s energy, atoms within a laser
Adam needed an angle, Jesus became the center plot
Now that could be geometrically or cinema
Descartes or Demille, emphasis on the “metaphah”
Or metaphor. You get the picture
But consider the depiction of this power, is it fiction?
Does it take prophetic vision, or religion to envision?
Philosophical spiggity speculative admission?
Nah, He’s God anyway, we’ll never break
His code to regenerate, then create, in the face
Of death, in comprehensive grace. Meditate
Venerate this deity speaking degrees centigrade
Now that’s cold ain’t it, better than Joe Namath
God delivers on His promise, you can quote Jacob
Omni-Potence, Omni-Benevolence
Power, Preeminence, bow to His excellence!

Who can fathom His understandin’ that fastened the sun to vanish
And fashioned the other planets, imagine it from His vantage
Inhabitants under famines, havin’ a stomach famished
He’s not missin’, if it’s happenin’ it was managed
With God’s vision; His non-endin’ cognition
Called omniscience, is harassin’ the under-handed
(How?) He sees into the plight – a view of each conscience
And reads into the mind, perusing each thought, when
Even dudes that lie, then move to keep cautious
Heed to ruthless crimes they do, then He hearkens
Peekin’ through the blinds of fools in departments
Where evildoers hide in gloom and deep darkness
He knows the future, we see the point is certain since
All things happen by His pre-appointed purposes
Even on the earth was His knowledge so impassable
We see Jesus knowin’ both the possible and actual
Whether boastin’ in sin or holdin’ it in
He’ll expose in the end because hearts are open to Him
This theme’s addressed in God’s word
Observe Proverbs 15:11
Though He knows innocence, the vast and the minutia
He chose an affliction that evidenced true love
Witness omniscience – wrath fell on His true Son
Being crushed for sins, past, present and future

Question: Who is the real treasure and worth?
Answer: The Lord, who fills heaven and earth
God in His essence
Is infinite, transcendent, unlimited exhibited in omnipresence
All things before His eyes are laid bare
As He governs the earth and skies with great care
There’s not one sector or section
That’s undetected or left unaffected by His perfection
So I don’t even need to smell the marijuana stench
To know my God is deeper than the Mariana Trench
The calculation is 36,000 feet
Below sea level- about 7 miles deep
If you got to the bottom without imploding from the weight
God would be waiting there saying, “Yo man, you’re late”
In the farthest galaxies, my God has the glory
Because distance for God is a non-category
Amazingly, God is able to be
In Haiti and Greece, Jamaica and Sweden
Barbados, New Zealand, Lithuania, Egypt
Malaysia, Tunisia and the Arabian Sea simultaneously!
Before Him everything is naked and exposed
That means there will be no escaping for His foes
God’s presence in His wrath will torment the sinner in hell
But those who trust Christ- with them He will dwell
Forever

On another note:  here are some photos of my kids....

Art

As many of you know, I am an artist.  In the recent fire, all of my original paintings of my children as well as numerous other paintings (recent acquisitions from my father, things he had painted, things I had painted for him) burned.  Some of my art has been catalogued on my art blog.  So if you look here, http://artbykasteen.blogspot.com, you can see it once more.

Posts...post fire

The following are posts I posted after the Santa Rosa fire destroyed our home.  Everything ashes.  This was Sunday night...

Two days ago we left our home in Santa Rosa to go camping at the coast 30 minutes away. Our 2 eldest daughters and some friends joined us for dinner. Then they went home to get ready for college classes the next day. In the middle of the night they had to evacuate with smoke and fire everywhere.  Hanna saved her sister's life.  They could have so easily burned to death with no warning, on sirens, no evacuation.  They are safe and we are safe, but our house and pretty much everything we owned (19 years in this home) is ashes. We head back today. As I ran and cried, and ran and cried on the beach this morning, each new thought and loss another pang, these words from an old hymn came to mind. "When sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul." I am sure the days ahead won't be easy and sometimes the weight will be staggering, but I will be resting in the supremacy and sufficiency of Christ, who took away my sin on the cross to purchase my soul for eternity with Him forever. May I display the difference He makes in my heart and home. I don't have addresses or many emails or contact info, but feel free to pass this along to others who may know me. Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughtfulness. I just took this photo.

A few hours after a beautiful time at the beach, our house for 19 years and everything in it burned to dust. So thankful our girls and neighbors escaped. I was considering this monumental loss. The loss of things like wedding dress and wedding photos, or baby clothes and photos. So many original paintings of my children and so many memories. Recordings of my grandmother's voice telling of her years in Germany during World War 1 and 2. How God was faithful. How "I have experienced much good in my life, and the bad I have forgotten." I had just received my mother's journal from my father. She died when I was 19. I had only had a chance to read the beginning, the middle (when I was born and her thoughts about me 🙂), and the end (when she knew she was dying) before it was lost in the fire. Her last words were (in German), "Herr, wir geht's weiter? Alles liegt in Deiner Hand. Lob und Dank." Translated: Lord, how does this go from here? Everything lies in your hands. Praise and thanks. " Now those recordings and journals are gone. And the Bible verses painted on my walls are dust. But God, his Word (the Bible), and the eternal hope that by grace through through faith in Jesus Christ's death on my behalf and resurrection from the dead offers to all who believe...priceless. And no one can take it away. I had painted the words "Jesus ist immer noch größer" (Jesus is always still greater) over our front door, and Isaiah 26:3 on our bedroom walls. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is staid on Thee because he trusts in Thee." Perfect peace. So as the dust settles and it seems there is nothing left, I see the rubble and hear my Oma and Mutti say, "Press on. Turn your eyes to Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." I hear my children singing, "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms", and my Savior and Lord say, "Don't be afraid. Peace. Be still. I will never leave you or forsake you. I am with you to the end of the age. NO MATTER WHAT. And, I am preparing a place for you, so that where I am you will always be." How great is my gain.

What's on my mind this morning? The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. I think that's in Lamentations after the bit about Jeremiah's flesh falling off and feeling like he's chewing on gravel. I am meditating on the unexplainable, incomprehensible STEADFAST love of God.

 What was found in our ashes so far...a pitcher from my grandmother's house, a bowl from a teenage girl growing in her faith while we met for Bible study...

Random photos and videos I didn't know existed until now....